ok lets start with a good 1.
A man walks into a bar and notices a jar of coins sitting on the counter.
He asks the bartender "hey, bartender, whats that jar of coins for?" the bartender says back to him "well you see we put a coin in the jar and we go out the back and try and make the horse laugh" the bloke slaps a 50 dollar note on the counter and walks out the back.
a few minutes later he returns, and surely enough the horse is roaring with laughter .
he picks up the jar of coins and walks out.
a few weeks later the bloke returns to the bar for a beer and notice a jar of 50 dollar notes sitting on the counter.
he asks the bartender, "Hey, bartender, whats that jar of 50 dollar notes for?"
the bartender says back to him "well you see we put a 50 dollar note in the jar and we go out the back and we try and make the horse shut up! the fucking thing wont stop laughing"
the bloke slaps a 50 dollar note on the table and walks out the back.
a few minutes later he returns, and the horse is crying quietly out the back.
the bloke walks to the counter and picks up the jar, and the bartender asks "mate that was fucking brilliant how did ya do it?"
the bloke replies "well the 1st time i told him my dick was bigger then his and the 2nd time i proved it"
ok next joke......
a male and a female marshen come down from space and come across a male human and a female human. they start to talk.
then the humans decide to take the marshens to do some human things.
after a day of playing tennis and bowling the only thing the marshens hadn't done is have sex with a human. so they split up.
the male marshen and female human and the male human and the female marshen. the male marshen and the female human go to the hotel room and the marshen pulls down his pants to reveal the smallest penis ever.
the human female says "is that all?" the male marshen says"no". next thing the marshen pats the back of his head and his penis grows to about 9 inches in length.
the female human goes "wow thats kool" the marshen then says "wait thats not all". next thing the marshen pulls his left ear and his penis gets thicker.
the human says "wow this is gunna be good".
the next day they all meet up again and the female human says to the male human "i had the best time of my life!".
the male replies "i didnt, the fucking marshen kept hitting the back of my head and pulling my ear!"